Imaginary Cowgirl: Natural Birth, the Texas Longhorn Way

Premier Exxonna: photo by DeeDee Strauss

Someone sent me a home video the other day of a Texas Longhorn giving birth. If you don't already know, I'm not a rancher and I don't own cattle, I just write about bucking bulls and think about it most of the time. I'd seen so many calves pulled on The Last American Cowboy that I didn't quite know what to expect of a cow giving birth the natural way. I have to say that I got a little flashback while watching her push that calf out - faint memories of giving birth without drugs to a very large baby girl myself (okay, not that large, compared to a calf) - and I was relieved when that part was over. Then the cow got up and licked the calf to life, and it stood up and figured out that the udders were at the back rather than the front, and did it's milky-faced calf thing. Everyone knew what to do. The cow knew, the calf knew, and the owners knew. They let her be. They got out the video camera. They sent the video to someone who sent it to me.

As I watched, I worried, even though I knew they wouldn't have sent it to me if it wasn't going to come out well. How long is she going to have to push that way? Is the calf going to live? When's the afterbirth going to come out and is it going to be gross? (I won't even begin to describe that.) I wondered if I was a total wimp for being so terrified about the whole thing. But I decided I wasn't. I suppose if I saw it a hundred times a year I might get hardened to it. But I bet not. It was great to see a birth done on the cow's own time. And it was beautiful, and shocking, and awesome, and frightening. Because birth is about shock and awe. Whether you're watching it or doing it, it isn't for the faint of heart. I could see a thousand calves being born, and I don't think that would ever change. Oh, I wonder if the ranchers among you will think I'm a wimp, but it's okay if you do, I don't mind. I'm an imaginary cowgirl after all. But I have given birth, nothing imaginary about that. I did my time in that alternate reality. Shock and awe, ladies and gentlemen, no doubt about it.